"My husband and I are parents of two girls, who are 10 and 3. Envisioning my future family growing up, I never expected a 7-year age gap between my children. I have a brother who is two years younger than I am, and I always assumed my children would be similarly spaced. However, as we all learn, things don’t always happen the way we plan.
My first child was an unexpected but wonderful surprise, and it took me a while to feel ready to tackle the newborn stage again. Once I was ready to add to our family, I was a bit bummed my kids wouldn’t have the age closeness I experienced with a sibling while growing up.
However, during my pregnancy with baby number two, I started to learn there was a definite plus side to having an older child instead of a toddler during this stage. And over the last few years, I realized so many benefits to having my children further apart in age. Here’s how I feel about the 7-year age gap between my kids.
Time to rest during pregnancy
My first trimester during my second pregnancy was ROUGH. Nearly every food made me sick. I’d think I found the right meal but would end up having to dash to the bathroom to throw up. I was also extremely tired and fighting to keep my eyes open after 7 p.m.
I was so, so thankful my daughter was older and more self-sufficient during those tough weeks. Being that tired and sick while taking care of a toddler would’ve been a major challenge. (Though if that was our circumstance, I’m sure I would have figured out a way to make it work!) My daughter was at a reasonably easy age, and I didn’t feel that guilty leaving my husband alone to handle the evening routine while I went to bed early during that part of my pregnancy.
Once my second daughter was born and we were back in the newborn stage of parenthood, I was thankful again that my oldest was at a more self-sufficient stage while we re-acclimated to round-the-clock feedings and sleep deprivation.
Space to process early parenthood
I’m glad I was able to have the 7 years of space between my first pregnancy and second pregnancy to be able to reflect on the experience. Going into my first newborn stage, I was such a novice, and, like many, I felt like I made so many mistakes. Having the space of a few years allowed me to reflect on my first pregnancy. I thought about the things I want to do differently the next time around.
If I had gone into back-to-back pregnancies like originally planned, I wouldn’t have had the space to be able to do this because you need ample time to be able to look back on something critically and identify what worked and what didn’t. I’m glad I had the time to think about how I want to handle scheduling, discipline, splitting the parenting duties, feeding, and more. Plus, I knew what I wanted to change from my first experience. I didn’t get it perfect the second time either, but there were so many things I did better the second time around that made the newborn stage easier and more pleasant.
More financial security
We had our first daughter before we planned, and we felt like we spent years playing catch-up with our budget. We weren’t prepared for the financial reality of parenthood with our first child. My husband and I both work full time and couldn’t fathom the expense of having two small children in a full-time daycare center at the same time. So when our first daughter was young, we decided to wait until she was school-aged before thinking about having a second child because of the financial situation in our family.
With a 7-year age gap between our kids, we are in a much more financially secure place in our lives. Our older daughter was in kindergarten at public school when the baby was born, so we had the financial relief of not paying full-time tuition for childcare for a year. When our second started daycare, we just had to pay for one full-time tuition. I’m glad we chose not to strain our finances just to be able to have a smaller age gap.
My oldest child will have these memories
One of the biggest unexpected joys of going through my second pregnancy was having a child old enough to understand the impending role of big sister. When we told her about the baby, she was squealing and dancing with excitement. She did all sorts of adorable things, like ask if we should replace our wood floors with carpet so the baby doesn’t get hurt and made a pile of her toys for her little sibling to play with.
“She did all sorts of adorable things, like ask if we should replace our wood floors with carpet so the baby doesn’t get hurt and made a pile of her toys for her little sibling to play with.”
My oldest has memories around meeting her baby sister. She also has special memories of her little sister’s early life, like her first time trick-or-treating and her first time opening gifts at Christmas.
Watching them bond is so gratifying
Initially, I was sad that my kids would never be at the same stage of childhood at the same time. I thought they would never play together and was worried they wouldn’t have a strong sibling bond.
I’ve since learned that a 7-year age gap isn’t a barrier to siblings forming their own special relationship—and it’s been gratifying to watch what I’ve waited so long for to finally happen. When my second daughter was a newborn, my first daughter was already in grade school and didn’t seem super interested in engaging with a baby that just cried and slept. But now, that newborn is a hilarious walking, talking, playing 3-year-old who has developed her own full-fledged personality.
Though my two girls are mostly into different things, they’re now both old enough to enjoy some similar activities, like playing out in the backyard. It makes me so happy to see them laughing on the swing set together after three years of hoping for these moments and now being able to get them.
My oldest is a great helper
When we go out to run errands, I don’t have to deal with keeping an eye on two small children. I just have to worry about keeping an eye on one small child, and my other child is old enough to help be a second set of eyes—and I can count on her to not run off or throw a tantrum. She’s also sweet and always willing to be the hand she holds in the parking lot or the one waiting at the end of the slide at the park.
Having a nearly 7-year age gap between kids isn’t what I originally expected for my family, but it ended up as our reality, and I’m truly glad for it. The benefits have been such an unexpected blessing for our family dynamic. If you’re also facing kids who are further apart in age than originally planned, I know from experience how great it can actually be.
Brigette Marshall, Contributing Writer
Brigette is a mom of two little girls and works full-time in project management, both at home and in the office. She loves book clubbing, antique shopping, watching documentaries, and convincing her husband to cook gourmet meals for her.